TOOL SHED NEWS

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Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at fairwayturf@hotmail.com I have been having trouble getting emails at times, so if you do not get a response please call the store to follow up, if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.

In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.

1073 Main Street

Worcester MA 01606

(508) 753-3738

On the web at www.used-tools.com

April 13, 2025

Hi gang,

Hours this week are Wed-Thurs 1-5. I will be closed on Friday and Saturday this week and all next week. Re-opening Wed April 30.

PARKING: Please be aware that the parking lot for the Tool Shed is the smaller lot next to the store.

Treasure island is at $0.25 per item.

Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3HnmoEwfF8

Humor Dept: NEED JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks ME

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample, and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor.

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:'You have tennis elbow.

Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

Thank you for shopping @ Costco'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant -- Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Costco!

THANKS ME

A fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the pub. It was not long before he came staggering along, and out she jumped from behind a headstone.

“Ooooooo!” she wailed, “I am the devil!”

Her husband sticks out his hand. “Put it there, pal,” he says, “I’m married to your sister.”

Thanks

Jim

Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.

Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.

From 290 East: Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.