The Tool Shed

1073 Main St
Worcester, MA 01603
(508) 753-3738

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Tool Shed News (sent to our subscribers, or you can read it--full length, including jokes, here)

      Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at  if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.

       In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything.  Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store.  The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly.  And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.


1073 Main Street

Worcester MA 01606

(508) 753-3738


On the web at

Nov 14, 2017

Hi, Gang-



Bargain table is at $2 per item.



Hours this week: WED-SAT 1-5.






Swear jar update:  The donations and violations for the month will be going to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund for the month of November.  The Fund provides support to military personnel’s families and for rehabilitation services to injured servicemen.



Video link:



Humor Dept:


Thanks  BW



 Phyllis Diller was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her outrageous hair and clothes.

As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.


-Phyllis Diller






 Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? 





 Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.


-Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.


-Phyllis Diller



 Best way to get rid of kitchen odors:  Eat out. 


-Phyllis Diller


 A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.


-Phyllis Diller 

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.  Then I want to move in with them.


-Phyllis Diller 

Most children threaten at times to run away from home.  This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.


-Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.


-Phyllis Diller


 We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.


-Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

-Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office parties is looking for a job the next day. 


-Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. 


-Phyllis Diller


My photographs don't do me justice -they look just like me.


-Phyllis Diller 

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. 


-Phyllis Diller




 I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'


-Phyllis Diller




The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.


-Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. -Phyllis Diller








Thanks RA



I visited Santa at the store yesterday, and the following conversation ensued:

Santa: Aren’t you a little old to be here.

Me: You’re never too old to believe.

Santa: Okay, what would you like for Christmas?

Me: I want a real live Dragon.

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: Okay, I want my wife to admit just once that I’m right.

Santa: What color Dragon do you want?




Thanks DF




A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a  little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the  middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.  
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.  
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's  testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'












Non-humor Department:  Note to all subscribers:  all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call.  If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails.  Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point. 



Directions to the store:  from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.


From 290 East:  Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.



Tool Shed News copyright 2017 by Jim Whitley