Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at email@example.com if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.
In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.
1073 Main Street
Worcester MA 01606
On the web at www.used-tools.com
Oct 17, 2017
Bargain table is at two items for$0.25.
There is now a swear jar that the proceeds from will be donated to a worthwhile charity. The price of an offense is $0.25(I was going to go less because I am unsure I can afford this) and the charity for the month is the American Cancer Society. TOTAL SO FAR $48, many donations have not come from offenders but just generous people, thank you!
I would like suggestions for worthy charities that would be a good cause to continue my prolific use of foul language.
Hours this week: WED-SAT 1-5.
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGJyozObrIM&t=2s
Subject: FW: Another Blonde Joke
Bob walked into a sports bar around 5:58 PM. He sat down next to a very attractive blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 6 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I reckon he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
The blonde placed her money on the bar, and kept watching the scene on the TV. The guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money". I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money.
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
It's that time of year to take our annual seniorcitizen test. Exercising the brain is as importantas exercising muscles. As we grow older, it'simportant to keep mentally alert. If you don't useit, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gaugeyour loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you'relosing it or not. The spaces below are so you don'tsee the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give upnow and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk"
What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as AutoWorld. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks , what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the heck are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during theflight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" betweenEast Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on . In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen,six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!Now pass this along to all your friends andpray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
A man suffered a heart attack and had by-pass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he has money in the bank.
He replied "No money in the bank."
The nun asked " Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said "Just a spinster sister who is a nun."
The nun, slightly preturbed, said "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law!"
Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.
Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
From 290 East: Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
Tool Shed News copyright 2017 by Jim Whitley