Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at email@example.com if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.
In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.
1073 Main Street
Worcester MA 01606
On the web at www.used-tools.com
July 25, 2017
Bargain table is at $1 per item.
Hours this week: WED-SAT 1-5
Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlkcjpZvLiU&feature=youtu.be
Subject: Fwd: Sensitivity Training Needed
1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.
3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
9. WARNING!!! IF YOU GET AN EMAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON," DON'T OPEN IT. IT CONTAINS A NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for
counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife
went into a tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the years they had been
married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,
emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an
entire laundry list of unmet needs she had
Finally, after allowing this for a
sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked
around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he
and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched
- with a raised eyebrow.
woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist
turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
needs at least 3 times a week.
Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on
Mondays and Wednesdays, ...............
But I fish on Fridays!
A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother
outside the ladies room of the gas station. As he stood there,
he was approached by a man who asked,
"Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street
two blocks and turn to your right. It's on the left."
The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how
bright he was and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. If you
and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I'll show you
how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle; "You're shitting me, right?
You can't even find the Post Office."
Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.
Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
From 290 East: Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
Tool Shed News copyright 2017 by Jim Whitley