The Tool Shed

1073 Main St
Worcester, MA 01603
(508) 753-3738

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Tool Shed News (sent to our subscribers, or you can read it--full length, including jokes, here)


 
      Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at fairwayturf@hotmail.com  if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.

       In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything.  Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store.  The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly.  And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.

 

1073 Main Street

Worcester MA 01606

(508) 753-3738

 

On the web at www.used-tools.com

May 21, 2019

Hi, Gang-

 

Bargain table is at $6 per item.

 

 

 

 

Hours this week: Wed-Fri 1-5, closed Sat May 25.

 

 

 

 

 

Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me003_gHl4I&feature=youtu.be

 

Humor Dept: NEED JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Thanks FIN

 

 

Subject: Fw: close call

 

 

A Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small beretta pistol.


This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words: “While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in ‘The Villages’ with my soon to be ex husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 
12 ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. 
She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.” 
“If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!” 
“Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. 
The gator got him easily, and  I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
The amount saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was a real big bonus!”

 

 

 

 

Thanks BH

 

 

 

LETTER TO MY BOSS...I have enjoyed working here these past several years.  You have paid me very well and given me benefits beyond belief.  I have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and then pay my estate one year salary death bonus and then continue to pay my spouse my salary with increases until she or he dies, and a health plan that most people can only dream of having. 

 

Despite this, I plan to take the next 12-18 months to find a new position.  During this time, I will show up for work when it is convenient for me.  And in addition, I fully expect to draw my full salary and all the other perks associated with my current job. 

 

Oh, yes, if my search for this new job proves fruitless, I will be coming back ith no loss in pay or status.  Before you say anything, remember that you have no choice in this matter.  I can, and I will do this.

Sincerely,

 

Every Senator or Congressman running for President in 2020

 

Are we stupid or what?

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks ME

 

 

 

 

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for awhile in a detailed examination. Motioning her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks ME

 

 

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. 
The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." 
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

 

 

 

 

Thanks,

Jim

 

Non-humor Department:  Note to all subscribers:  all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call.  If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails.  Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point. 

 

   

Directions to the store:  from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.

 

From 290 East:  Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.

 

 

Tool Shed News copyright 2019 by Jim Whitley