The Tool Shed

1073 Main St
Worcester, MA 01603
(508) 753-3738

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Tool Shed News (sent to our subscribers, or you can read it--full length, including jokes, here)

      Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at  if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.

       In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything.  Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store.  The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly.  And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.


1073 Main Street

Worcester MA 01606

(508) 753-3738


On the web at

August 15, 2017

Hi, Gang-



Bargain table is at $0.25 per item.



Hours this week: WED-SAT 1-5







Video link:

Humor Dept:




Thanks RA





A father texts his son, "Today is the day you will treasure for all of your life, my love & good wishes!" 

His Son texts back, "Thanks Dad, the wedding isn't until tomorrow!"

His Father replies, "I know."        


****************************** *****************




There comes a time when a woman
just has to trust her husband
... For example ...

A wife comes home late at night, early from being out of town,and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom.
Did you say ‘hello’?”


****************************** ****************************** ******


A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.

She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens.


She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful.
I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."


She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?" "Oh, she replies, "that was my

husband telling me about the great time he's having on his golf trip with you."



Special Package deal for Businessmen


An Airline introduced a special package for Business men. 
Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.

After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.

All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"



New SIM to Surprise Her Husband

Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides

to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.

She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: 
"Hello Darling."

The husband responds in a low tone:  
"Let me call you back later Honey, my wife is in the kitchen.


Cool Message by a Wife

Dear Mother-in-law,


"Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with

one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"



Throwing Knives at Wife's Picture 

Husband was throwing knives at his wife’s picture. 
All the knives were missing the target!

Suddenly he received a call from her "Hi, what are you



His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."


Habit of Talking in Sleep 
A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in

his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?


Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.


Natural Disasters Just Happen 

Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate,  
hurricanes to swirl around and no one teaches a man how 
to choose a wife.


Natural disasters just happen.


Your Husband Needs Rest 

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace,

so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!

****************************** ****************************** ***




Fifty years ago, Herman James, from the North Carolina mountains was drafted into the US Army.   On his first day in basic training the army issued him a comb.  The next day the Army barber cut all his hair off.  On his second day the Army issued him a toothbrush.  That same day he saw the Army dentist who pulled out seven of his teeth  On the third day in the Army he was issued a jock strap and cup.  The Army is still looking for Herman.



Thanks RA




The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. 

On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 F degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 F degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off almost immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

There was no way that old man Ford was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --

Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls. 







Thanks FIN-had this before but its been a while




Irish Hunting Trip


Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6.


As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."


Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.


The plane took off.


However, while attempting to cross some very high mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and it went down.


Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.


After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"


Mick replied, "Aye. I think we're pretty close to the same spot where we crashed last year."





Non-humor Department:  Note to all subscribers:  all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call.  If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails.  Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point. 



Directions to the store:  from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.


From 290 East:  Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.



Tool Shed News copyright 2017 by Jim Whitley