The Tool Shed

1073 Main St
Worcester, MA 01603
(508) 753-3738

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Tool Shed News (sent to our subscribers, or you can read it--full length, including jokes, here)


 
      Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at fairwayturf@hotmail.com  if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.

       In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything.  Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store.  The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly.  And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.

 

1073 Main Street

Worcester MA 01606

(508) 753-3738

 

On the web at www.used-tools.com

February 13, 2018

Hi, Gang-

 

Bargain table is at $0.25 per item.

 

 

A good friend of the Tool Shed that has donated a great deal of his time to helping out with the Shriners through picking up families at the airport, driving to and from the hospital and driving tiny cars in parades, among other things, is having a personal battle in his life.  The Swear Jar for February is going to the Shriners in his name.

 

 

 

Hours this week: WED-SAT 1-5, if its snowing, you may want to call to make sure we are open

 

 

 

 

 

Video link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lSid5edT3M&feature=youtu.be

Humor Dept:

 

 

 

Thanks BW

 

 

 

Wife

--"Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon."

 

Husband

--"I'm so sorry Honey....but you probably don't want to hear the reason."

 

Wife--"I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

 

Husband--"Fine. We finished in under 4 hours; a quick beer in the Clubhouse’'. I hopped into the car, and would have been here by 12 noon but on the way home, I spotted a

girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. 

 

I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refuse it, then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton and begs me to stop by so she can buy me a beer She's such a sweetie, I said yes.

 

Before you know it, one beer turned into three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. 

 

Then she tells me she has a room right there at the Sheraton, less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. 

 

Now I'm in her room...clothes are flying...the talking stopped…and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it, the clock says 5:30. I jump up, throw my clothes on, run to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth... You got it.

 

Wife--"Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks BW

 

 

 

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

 

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

 

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

 

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

 

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

 

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

 

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

 

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks ME

 

 

 

Woman's Quote of the Day: 
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our jobto stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature intosomething with which you'd like to have dinner with." 
Men's Counter-Quote of the Day: 
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity andintoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they goall sour and vinegary and give you a headache." 

 

 

 

 

Thanks ME

 

 

 

 

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

 

 

 

 

Thanks ME

 

 

 

 

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) 
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. 
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." 
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"

 

 

 

Thanks,

Jim

 

Non-humor Department:  Note to all subscribers:  all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call.  If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails.  Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point. 

 

   

Directions to the store:  from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.

 

From 290 East:  Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles.  Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right.  Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance.  Overflow parking is next to the fire station.

 

 

Tool Shed News copyright 2018 by Jim Whitley