Here's the most recent Tool Shed News, sent to our regular customers almost every week. You get a sampling of part of the inventory that's in stock, there are jokes (PG rated, sort of), weekly specials, and anything else I decide to throw in. If you want to subscribe (for free), please note two things: One, it's for New England residents only, and two, I don't sell your name, so you won't be getting any more spam than what you get already. Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org if you wish to subscribe and you live in New England.
In either case, everything is always first come, first served, we do not take "holds" via phone or email, and we don't ship or mail anything. Also, at least half the stuff that comes in gets sold long before it hits the newsletter, so don't use this as your only motivation to come into the store. The people who find the most of what they are looking for are the people who come in regularly. And check the date of the posting, as I'm not always as on top of it as I might be.
1073 Main Street
Worcester MA 01606
On the web at www.used-tools.com
Sept 19, 2017
Bargain table is at $2 per item.
Hours this week: WED-SAT 1-5.
Video link: Sorry, no video this week
Some new arrivals:
Rolling work cart with drawers
Lincoln arc welder
Old dunlap wood lathe set up for metal with a 4 jaw chuck, cross slide and cutter
Craftsman top box
Harbor Freight a/c gauge manifold kit
Harbor Freight tubing bender
Cambell Hausfeld 25 gallon air compressor with honda motor
Propane torpedo heater
I just discovered my age group!
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later.
I don't have to go to school or work
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don't have a curfew.
I have a driver's license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?
And I don't have acne.
Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.
It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names!
So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too!
SO, YOU THINK GASOLINE IS EXPENSIVE?????
This is priceless!
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.
You will be really shocked by the last one?
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things into perspective.
Diet Snapple, 16 oz , $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon!
Starbuck's Reg. Coffee 16 oz, $2.10... $16.80 per gallon!
Lipton Ice Tea, 16 oz , $1.19 ... $9.52 per gallon!
Gatorade, 20 oz , $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon!
Ocean Spray, 16 oz , $1.25 .. $10.00 per gallon!
Brake Fluid, 12 oz , $3.15 .... $33.60 per gallon!
Vick's NyQuil, 6 oz , $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon!
Pepto Bismol, 4 oz, $3.85 . $123.20 per gallon!
Whiteout, 7 oz , $1.39 ......... $25.42 per gallon!
Scope, 1.5 oz , $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon!
And this is the REAL KICKER.
Evian water, 9 oz , $1.49 ...$21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 for a gallon of WATER!! and the buyers don't even know the source!!
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why computer printers are so cheap?
So they can hook you for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink; you won't believe it but it's true:
$5,200 a gal. -$5,200 A GALLON!
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, NyQuil or, God forbid, Printer Ink!
TIPS FROM REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING: (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
All the DNA is the same.
There are no dental records.
Non-humor Department: Note to all subscribers: all items are being offered on a first come, first served basis, no item will be held on an email or phone call. If you have a question, please call the store during my normal business hours, as it sometimes takes several days to respond to emails. Also, these mailings can only describe a small number of the items I have in stock, and often things come and go much too quickly to get into the mailing. The way to get the things you want and need, therefore, is to stop by frequently, without waiting to be notified in advance, since the mailing can be helpful to you only to a point.
Directions to the store: from Interstate 290 West, take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off of rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
From 290 East: Take College Sq. exit, go left under 290 and get back on 290 headed west. Take the Hope Ave exit to rotary, take first exit off rotary .9 miles. Take left after Fire Station, 1073 Main St. is yellow brick building on right. Go to light, take right and another quick right to enter parking lot from Main St. entrance. Overflow parking is next to the fire station.
Tool Shed News copyright 2017 by Jim Whitley